Ambrose Bierce quotes & passages

BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters.

BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man—who has no gills.

ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.

QUOTATION, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

HOSPITALITY, n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

PRESENT, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.